Critical Investigation: first draft learner response

1) WWW - There is some potential here ... it's a great question, the tests are appropriate and you have some good research in places. However, other aspects need a lot of work to move this into the higher grade. 

EBI - Written English is poor. Your quotes don't make sense - which means you lose your argument. Look at my comments on the first page.
- You are not using quotes correctly. Your quotes on power need to be applied to the media - not the characters. You need much more media theory in general - why not add post-colonial theories such as Edward Said - Orientalism?
- Your examples are generally description rather than analysis. Where is your textual analysis with media terminology? You need to analyse key scenes using film language - surely camerawork, mise-en-scene etc is crucial here?
- Not enough on audience effects ... what impact do these representations have on audiences? Asian audiences? White audiences? Bring in contemporary events - e.g. Brexit etc.

2) In my second draft, I am aiming for at least an extra 9 marks which will get me onto at least 30 marks out of 48.

3) 

• Make my introduction more clearer in terms of my 'written English'. Also, make sure that I am more specific (Am I talking from a negative or positive point of view).
• Improve my conclusion. State whether it made a positive or negative impact
• BFI Library for more quotes
• Look up for Edward Said quotes - reference it to 9/11
• Delete the sentences where I described the actual movie (or minimize to 1 sentence.)